Don't Get Watched by the Apple Watch

Another year has passed and with it new Apple products have emerged, and this year's unveiling was the most notable since the announcement of the iPad (Illuminati Pad as it's really called). In front of a worldwide audience, the company displayed its newest innovations, the iPhone 6 and most notably the Apple Watch. The reaction was instantaneous. Everyone immediately took to social media talking about how awesome these new products are and what a brilliant company Apple is. However, the masses have little idea of the consequences that await them if they buy these products.

We'll start with the iPhone 6 (Illuminati Phone 6). This gadget is nothing more than an enhanced version of its predecessors. It will do everything that prior iPhones did but with much more efficiency. In fact, the enhanced pixelation of the screen is intended to accommodate a better camera, which of course will be used to collect images that will be instantly transmitted to the NSA the second they're taken. Higher definition means more detail for the Illuminati to use when it plans its takeover.

For the most part though, there really isn't anything too revolutionary about the iPhone 6 to discuss. The real meat is with the Apple Watch. Now, this device is what will serve the Illuminati like nothing has before. It's literally Apple's first product that is designed to have prolonged contact with your skin. That allows it to do all sorts of things to your body. Of course, the company is touting about how it will help monitor your health and fitness, but what else will it be doing?

We're thinking that the Apple Watch was designed to emit subtle electrical impulses or even mild radiation to alter central-nervous-system functioning and serve as a mind-control device (Don't discount the order's ability to do this. It has been re-syncing people's neurons for decades, and remember that electroshock therapy works). Because the Watch is attached to a transmitter that sends/receives signals via an iPhone, the Illuminati can send messages and orders once it has locked down people's brain patterns. Not only that, it's health/fitness monitors can gather information about who's weak and who's strong. This data can come in handy when crack troops are needed to take down rebellious minds. 

By wearing an Apple Watch, the Illuminati will learn everything about you and then use it to control your mind. The company will know when you sleep, when you're at your peak conditioning, and when you're ill. In fact, you'll pretty much be carrying a surveillance camera on your wrist too. This little device is actually much more effective than an iPhone or iPad. Those gizmos are frequently kept out of sight in pockets or purses. Not the Watch, though, it will always be on you, always watching, and always listening. Do you really want that?

And let's not forget another one of Apple's newest innovations, Apple Pay. This little program is just another method for the Illuminati to create financial mayhem by draining your bank account when the moment is right. One day you might be thinking that making a quick pass with your watch is fine to pay for that Mountain Dew, but you'll be sorry when you discover that that swipe was all it took for the order to reduce your balance to $0.00. 

With every succeeding generation of Apple products, the company intrudes more and more into our private lives. At first, it started with devices meant for accelerating brainwash like the iPod, then it evolved into surveillance. Today, it has achieved a new level by violating our finances and health vitals. Are these products something that you really want? Do you like the idea of a satanic corporation knowing your every move, your every heartbeat, maybe even your every thought? If the answer is no, then stay away from the Apple Watch and iPhone 6.